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This is now seriously out-of-date. I will update this text soon. I promise!

I was born in Odessa, Ukraine, on 4 July, 1982. I've heard that this day is celebrated extensively in the United States. I am not entirely sure whether this is because of my birthday or because of an alien invasion, but I do find the fact very flattering.

Odessa was then a very famous city. Everyone used to know that this is the place where acacias spring into bloom. Everyone used to know that Odessa is situated on the Black Sea, as this fact was pointed out by Leonid Utyosov. In these dark ages hardly anyone seems to remember who the Duke is, which we, the Odessites, find very disturbing. Those Americans, who are so enthusiastic about my birthday, have engaged in a heated geographical debate. Some of them claim that Odessa is a town in Texas, whereas others insist that it is an island in the Caribbean.

Soon I made an attempt to go to a kindergarten. This wasn't done of my own free will and accord. My parents thought that I might benefit from this kind of establishment. They were wrong. It was a horrid place, full of brutes and evil enforcers. I hated every minute of it, so within two days my parents took me back home. I have very kind, generous, loving parents.

The experience wasn't entirely futile. It had led to many hours of pondering, and I learned what depersonalisation and social oppression stood for. This is when I decided to become an artist. Now that I became a mathematician and computer scientist, I consider this dream fulfilled.

And then, at the age of seven, I went to school. Surprisingly enough, the school specialised in German language (eine Schule mit erweitertem Deutschunterricht). And it was named after a great Russian poet, Alexander Pushkin. Now I remember vaguely winning a national competition in German language, but unfortunately I don't seem to remember any German.

And then my family moved to Cyprus. In Limassol I went to Foley's Grammar School, where I did my 'O' levels and 'A' levels, and even took part in the Great Egg Race. I didn't really know whether I should become a doctor, lawyer, mathematician, or perhaps an undertaker, so I decided to take as many A-levels as I could. As a result, I did lose the Great Egg Race, which was a shame.

Now I am at Imperial College London. Why did I choose this university? Somebody told me about the horrid male:female ratio at this place, which appeared to tend to infinity. I decided to refute what appeared a shameless, blasphemous lie, and undertook a little field trip. That was a mistake.

However, this university has produced scholars of great renown, such as Sir Alexander Fleming and... modesty forbids me from telling.

So what am I doing now? Unraveling the mysteries of modern mathematics and computer science (at undergraduate level), learning Japanese (konichiwa!), trying to play some classical guitar (basically, annoying the neighbours, and getting some sadistic fun out of it), attending the meetings of photographic society (learning to appreciate good photos made by other people) and serving as Vice President and Treasurer of mathematical society (learning to appreciate the administrative aspect of mathematics).

Also, I'm working at Information & Communication Technologies of Imperial College.